I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
