We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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