what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
