You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
