I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
