with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
