Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
