This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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