I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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