i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
