when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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