marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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