Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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