Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
