Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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