I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
