I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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