i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
