He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
