Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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