I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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