Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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