i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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