So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
