You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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