Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
