Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
