I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
