the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
