I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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