this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
