Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize