Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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