maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize