If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
