i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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