I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
