I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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