break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
