She is in my trunk
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
