summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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