I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
