The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
