Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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