Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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