yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
