So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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