Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
