Already got asked if we're dating
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
