in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I touched a dick in church today
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize