I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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