i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
