I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
