I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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