Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
