i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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