I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
