Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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